A call for your story

March 19, 2013 — 81 Comments

I am excited to share that earlier this year I began working on two novels. The details of the second book will stay secret squirrel until I find someone crazy enough to be willing to take a chance on me and publish it, but the first one is actually going to require a small village to write.
It is the story of a woman who meets a man that (unknown to her at the time) has a personality disorder. The personality disorder will, after time, manifest itself by way of the very sinister and misunderstood emotional abusiveness which millions of people worldwide are victim to in their own relationships, most of them completely unawares. The story will give the reader an insight into the tactics which are used by emotional abusers to weaken their partners and slowly unravel their sense of self worth and sanity. I am researching to develop the character of both the emotional abuser in this novel, and the victim.

I am looking for people who have been either a victim of emotional abuse or have been the friend/family to a victim who would be willing to share their story with me via email, telephone or Skype interview. The emotional abuser in question does not necessarily have to have a personality disorder.

It is important to get stories from the friends and family of people who have been emotionally abused. In the novel the reader will identify the methods of abuse the abuser is using and notice the change in the victim long before the victim herself does, as is often true in reality for people on the outside watching a person they love change as a result of emotional abuse.

The importance of gathering information from an array of sources is this: As many men and women who are victim to emotional abuse do not know they are being emotionally manipulated and abused (often feeling like they themselves are crazy) I want ANYONE who reads this who is partners to an emotional abuser to recognise him/her in the abusive character in the novel. Emotional abuse has several very key traits, yet can manifest in an variety of ways within the relationship. No matter how the abuse is manifesting in the relationship of the reader, I want them to be able to recognise it enough in the character of this story to have the red flags go up and seek help and support.

I am also seeking input from counsellors, therapists, life coaches and psychologists who have counselled people through the process of safely escaping an emotionally abusive relationship. The reason for this is: In the story the victim will begin to identify that her partner has been emotionally abusing her and become aware of the character assassination techniques he has been using on her. As she begins to seek liberation from this toxic relationship it is important that the way in which she escapes is sound, wise, safe and thought out. This is so that anyone reading this novel who is in a dangerous and toxic, emotionally and/or physically abusive relationship can follow the footsteps of the victim in this book and in doing so will actually be initiating an exit strategy/coping strategy that is sound.

While abuse CAN and does take the form of physical abuse, it does not HAVE to involve physical abuse to be abuse. Emotional abuse is sinister, dangerous and can be life threatening.
Often men or women in emotionally abusive relationships do not realise they are victims of a very dangerous form of abuse, thinking instead that they are losing their mind.
This book, while written as fiction, is going to essentially be the very true story of the personal struggle through the destructive emotional abuse from the points of view of many survivors, including myself. The more people I can get to share their story with me, the more genuine these two characters will be so if you know of anyone who has been in a relationship with a person who has been emotionally abusive and want to be part of a novel which I hope will liberate men and women from toxic, emotionally destructive relationships then please contact me: onethousandsingledays@yahoo.com. All correspondence will remain confidential.

NOTE:
For anyone trying to understand what emotional abuse may look like, take a read of this article.
I will never forget the morning I read this and finally felt validation that I wasn’t going insane, I wasn’t crazy, I had in fact been subjected to years of character assassination by the man I trusted and loved. This article was written as if by me, I have experienced everything in that article and more.
It was scary and enlightening all at the same time.
If you identify with this then my heart goes out to you and I urge you to gather the courage to question it, to seek support. We have one life. Remember that.

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81 responses to A call for your story

  1. 

    Would you consider any self-inflicted emotional abuse for your character? I think it would be a nice addition; the abuser starts a perpetual cycle of self-hatred that is only further compounded by their actions and the victims’.

    • 

      Yes ABSOLUTELY! This is a very valid point and yes, I think it is essential that this is a part of the process in the character of this story. Thank you for bringing that up.

      • 

        Glad to see I could be of help! I would like to see how this thread unravels. Just out of curiosity, are you using the “90 Day Novel” approach to your project? I’m not trying to sneak in any promotions or anything, but I’m generally curious as to how people would approach writing a novel. I might do it myself someday too, you know. 🙂

        • 

          I have not heard of the 90 day novel (*rushes to google it) and I have never written a novel, just the stories which I publish here on this site. I have NO IDEA what I am doing, all I know is there is a story in me begging me to be told, and all I can do is put one word in front of the other…

          • 

            Haha, well, actually, your approach is what’s up. 🙂 The basic ideas behind the 90 Day Novel: put forth your writing mind onto the paper (or comp screen) while keeping it unrestrained, never be scared to explore a deep topic (in this case, an abusive relationship), and worry about the editing later. I just skimmed through the book to be honest, but I like the writing ideas that it presents.

          • 

            Fantastic, thank you. I really like the sound of this. I struggle with perfectionism in my writing so the idea about just getting it out of paper and allowing the story to flow freely is actually quite liberating. Thank you, this has been a very valuable exchange 🙂

  2. 

    WONDERFUL that you are doing this, and I look forward to your book! I have a couple of posts on my blog that might be helpful to you. Have a look if you’re so inclined!

    • 

      Yes I will. Thank you again. I believe that emotional abuse is not yet an accepted form of abuse by society and as a result many men and women are enduring this soul destroying abuse yet not feeling like their experience would even be considered abuse! Its a terrible shame.

      • 

        Emotional abuse is the premise behind all forms of abuse. It is the basis, the means of enslavement that binds the abused to the abuser by making her feel she is inferior, in a very primal way that often is not conscious. I have noticed (as a pediatrician) that children subjected to emotional abuse before they become verbal seem to never get over it, but become entrapped in abusive relationships over and over, and can’t seem to get out of them, or get into serial abusive relationships because that is what “love” feels like to them.

      • 

        The family I live with has small children, and various kids’ movies move in and out of rotation based on how many times Mommy can stand to watch the same thing day-in and day-out before she pulls it as an option to preserve her last shred of sanity. For a lot of reasons I’m glad “Tangled” is back in rotation as of last week, because — with respect to most aspects — it really is a fun and funny movie with a great soundtrack. However, from an emotional abuse standpoint (and Mother Gothel might just be the most twisted and depraved Disney villan ever), that film can be seriously hard to watch. One thing I know isn’t accurate is that Rapunzel is WAY too well adjusted. In real life she would have had a complete mental breakdown, not a happy ending.

        Emotional abuse is basically a form of torture.

        A lot of bullying falls without question into this category.

  3. 

    Here are two posts that might help you:
    http://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2012/08/29/my-first-list-was-3498-words/ (scroll down past the February journal quotes to where it starts “The following is what I included in my examples of emotional abuse section.”)
    http://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2012/03/26/emotional-abuse-mental-glass/

  4. 

    very interesting concept…one suggestion take it or leave it…instead of the typical love angle how about an emotional abuser who uses social media and technology…instead of one victim there would be many making it possible to convey the many forms and facets of emotional abuse you will probably discover during your research…which you might not otherwise be able to explore in the singular love dynamic…again very interesting concept

    • 

      Yes I see where you are coming from and I think that is a very important aspect to touch on (people using the avenues of social media to dominate and bully) However I can only write from the place that I am familiar with and the fact is, this will essentially be me telling my own story, and that story is one of someone falling deeply in love with someone who became her abuser. I hope though, that this novel, if published, will open up the conversation to explore all the forms that emotional abuse can manifest in, and social media etc is right up there.
      Thank you so much for your insight, I have thought quite a bit about it since you suggested it and will be playing with the idea.

      • 

        only a suggestion…but you are right you must come from your own experience first and foremost…I may email you my own experience with mental and emotional abuse…

  5. 

    I don’t know if what I have written is going to be useful to you? – There is actually 3 posts where it is my real life story – only The Dream is particular mine

    http://www.starhouse.nl/star6/
    I am looking forward to see what you say about it.

    • 

      I’ve read it. I was very impacted by this story… may I ask if it was your story?
      Of course it is useful as it was yet another story from yet another strong survivor. Everyone has a story and I appreciate you forwarding me yours.

      • 

        To answer if it was my own story. Yes indeed – and I have survived and can write about and help others if they like my help 😀 Thanks for answering my comment to you

  6. 

    I’ve been through what your interested in writing about…actually still going through it; left my abuser (husband) and entered a woman’s shelter. Abuse in all its shapes and forms is very complex; I am finishing my masters in counseling, and have studied a lot about personality disorders, abusive traits, etc, yet I fell prey to it unable to see it coming. Abuse is more complicated when it happens to you, ones study or knowledge in the subject does not prepares one to see it coming when your the one invested in a emotional relationship, although you might see the signs, however, the emotions almost paralyzes you, making you unable to walk away. In addition, one can often think that one can help the one abusing you with you knowledge in the matter, but unfortunately that’s just foolish, i’ve learned otherwise. It is a very sensitive subject…a grey area, and I admire your efforts to bring awareness, I wish you luck,

  7. 

    I have a couple of articles that refer to my pain. Could write or talk more openly anonymously

    • 

      Yes of course. Please feel free to contact me: onethousandsingledays@yahoo.com
      ANY correspondence we have will remain confidential. If you write to me I will respond with several key questions I would like as many people as possible to answer, after which you will have the opportunity to share your story if you feel comfortable. This will help me to develop the character traits and subtle methods of abuse used by the abuser and create a believable character out of the victim.
      It is important for me to have this story be as genuine as possible, using just one character, the character of the victim, to represent the thousands of men and women who are strong survivors of this toxic emotional abuse.

  8. 

    Amazing. I will most definitely share. I have been through the most insidious adventure in the past 4 years. And I am proud to come out the other side with my wits about me. I watch other people (friends) continue the rigmarole with him and it will last for years because he nor his friends can see the depth and lack of conscious in his patterns, and his patterns with others. He reassembles what I have read described as bipolar and/or borderline personality disorder. Oh, and with a lot of codependence mixed in – right along with me… 😉

    Thank you for all of the likes, by the way. Very thankful that you have found my blog worth a read. Best of luck with your writing endeavors!

    KShantelle

    • 

      Thank you so much! I feel like you will be a valuable source.
      Please feel free to contact me: onethousandsingledays@yahoo.com
      ANY correspondence we have will remain confidential. If you write to me I will respond with several key questions I would like as many people as possible to answer, after which you will have the opportunity to share your story if you feel comfortable.

  9. 
    quoteofwhenever March 19, 2013 at 2:37 PM

    I agree. It’s insidious and it’s so hard to see when you’re in it. You can’t miss a slap or a shove but it’s easy to overlook the way emotionally controlling words and actions pile up around you till you’ve forgotten who, what and where you are.

    What kind of emotionally abusive are you looking for? I’ve just left a very controlling relationship. It took me a long time to see it for what it was. I haven’t blogged about it openly. I’m not in the business of exposing people. In fact, I am still unpacking how the heck it happened. It flipped my world upside down and made me question the validity of my every thought and feeling.

    I’d be happy to share my thoughts and some scenes with you and give any insight I can into the way thought patterns started to change.It’s very recent for me. It will probably help me understand it too.

  10. 

    I would be willing to help. I’d need a couple glasses of wine – but I have a mac with a web cam and perhaps I can assist your writing process. Thanks for visiting my blog – get in touch with me if you would like my help. I can skype or FaceTime on Mac.

    -A

  11. 
    ramblingsofabipolarwoman March 19, 2013 at 3:15 PM

    The abuser’s past should be delved into and show throughout the book how the abuser came to be as he is. He himself should have been the victim of abuse, perhaps by his parent(s), kids at school, a lover, etc….and each encounter developed a new personality perhaps?

    I have been the victim of emotional abuse from family, so-called friends, lovers, and have plenty I can share with you. I was also sexually abused along with that for a period of time. I agree that all forms of abuse have emotional abuse and yeah, it can often be harder to recognize it, especially when it comes from someone whom you love & trust. We should all be more aware and make others more aware of it and learn how to break the cycle, to stand up for ourselves….the hardest is when it’s us who is emotionally tearing ourselves apart….usually the result of others who did it first….definitely like what obstructed had to say about adding in her emotionally beating herself up as a result of the other person’s abuse. Anyway, I have one blog in particular that tells my basic story if you’d like to check it out. I can also chat with you via e-mail as well. My e-mail is carissa.galow@hotmail.com.

  12. 

    http://becomingthefairest.wordpress.com/2012/05/25/no-one-here-except-me/

    I wrote this post on a blog I never did much else with. I think it’s sole purpose was to let me air out the small, seemingly petty story of how a gentleman who did have a personality disorder (on the Autism spectrum) could just wreck me. Happy to fill in more detail for you, if you find useful.

    S

  13. 

    That’s quite an ambitious road you’re traveling down. Good luck and keep us posted!

  14. 

    Hi Vanessa I’ll drop you a line, sign me up,
    Cheers
    Laurie

  15. 

    Your project / novel is amazingly powerful!!! Yes, I have things to share. Willing to help anyway I can. PEACE-

  16. 

    Reblogged this on Freckles And A Pink Tiara and commented:
    This is an AWESOME way to help bring awareness to something that by definition is an isolating experience!

  17. 

    couldn’t get the e-mail to go through so here is mine mjmjuneau@gmail.com

  18. 

    Reblogged this on No Ordinary Girl and commented:
    Awesome project on a subject that is in need of more discussion.

  19. 

    Hi 🙂
    Would love to help too. I started my blog to help me deal with my abuse. I hope you can glean something from mine. I’ll email you too. (Traveling at the moment, back home late this week) 🙂

  20. 

    You have opened quite a spring board here! I spent 10 years of my life with an individual who very subtly at first, then persistently and finally relentlessly sought to strip me of any sense of self worth. I became anorectic then neurotic and finally deeply depressed and very self destructive. I was only fully released when he died in 2004, 5 years after I had broken free of the vicious cycle, and it took me several more years to exorcise his voice from my thoughts and nightmares. It is very encouraging to see so many people coming forth – silence is the biggest enabler of abusive behaviours. I’m happy to contribute but it looks like you’ve already plenty of material to work through! I wish you every success.

  21. 

    I will definitely read this book when it’s finished! I would say I recognize maybe 30% of those traits in my ex husband – the main issue was he would close himself completely off from me and then accuse me of being too sensitive, emotional, and demanding when I got upset about it. And it would happen time after time after time. And holding on to grudges for years and years after I had repeatedly done everything I could to make them right (small things, I assure you, nothing like cheating or anything of the sort), which were eventually the reasons he used as justification for our divorce. Which HE asked for, and THANK GOD he did, because I never would have been strong enough to ask for one. Life has been so amazing ever since!! My, I think I’ll be writing a blog post of my own about this.

    Once again, I admire your strength, courage, and beautiful spirit! I’ve never met you but you feel like a friend! Thanks for doing what you do.

    Cali x

  22. 

    Reblogged this on Wambui Bahati – Domestic Violence Speaker and commented:
    There is a character in my show, ‘I Am Domestic Violence’ who says he does not hit women. He refers to himself as a ‘player’. A few weeks ago a man who saw the presentation told me that he didn’t believe that character belonged in a show about domestic violence because he didn’t hit women.

    I am ‘rebloging’ this post from another Blogger who is working on what I believe is a powerful project. It totally addresses the issue that this man had with the character who didn’t physically hit women . I thought perhaps you might find her story and this project not only interesting — but important –and just plain amazing.

  23. 

    sounds like you are looking for victims of passive aggressive relationships. Best of luck on the project. Sounds like a great issue.

  24. 

    So happy you’re working on something so powerful and healing at the same time. I support you wholeheartedly and cannot wait to read it.
    Many hugs

  25. 

    I have fortunately never considered myself to have been abused but
    I have experienced a phenomanon that may be of interest to you.

    People I’ve lived with often had issues about certin things. Roomate A
    has a dog, Roomate B goes crazy every time the dog pees on the floor.

    Then you have Roomate C – that’s me – Normally poodle pee wont ruin
    my day – It won’t even cause my mood to change I just clean it up like
    it’s no big deal –

    Along comes roomate B. Roomate B doesen’t care that the pee is cleaned
    up. He/she is furious that it even existed there in the first place.

    Suddenly I’m snapping at roomate A and their dog – I shoulden’t, I like
    roomate A and I like dogs – I don’t mind cleaning up after the dog but
    suddenly I’m swearing to myself every time I have to clean up after it.

    Not because I hate the pee – because I know Roomate B hates pee
    and I feel powerless to prevent the insueing woe-is-me rant – Roomate A
    thinks I’m sideing with Roomate B – Roomate B thinks I’m on Roomates
    A’s side – So they both start to hate me.

    Fortunately Roomate B moves to another dorm – suddenly I’m friends
    with roomate A again and everything is so peaceful.

    It is like one bad apple relly can spoil the bunch – I’m not familiar
    with psychology but I know the power of one person to negitively
    influence a whole group – especially if this person is the
    confrontational sort and the others would rather avoid said
    confrontations.

  26. 

    I am trying to leave my emotional abuser. I with him for 15 years before I figured out I am not the crazy one. 5 years later, I am still trapped but I at least I am aware of his manipulation. I am working on getting stronger inside and saving for my escape. Good luck with your book.

  27. 

    Use anything that resonates from my blog. e-mail if you like, ranthegauntlet@gmail.com. One of the things that affected me most was my abuser being “weird,” which included inappropriate words and actions (aside from the mean stuff), such as misbehaving in restaurants, or making jokes about running up the credit cards and fleeing to Mexico, and being generally erratic. It was so unbalancing to not know HOW weird he MIGHT get, even though he looked to everyone else like a successful, steady professional – classic fear and control in the totally psychological realm. You are a superb writer; I look forward to reading, and to knowing it will be read, and seeds of understanding planted, and change promoted.

  28. 

    Feel free to email me at cinderellagroupltd@yahoo.com and I can give you as much or as little detailed information for your book as you want. I have personal and direct experience with physical, sexual, and emotional abuse from various relationships ranging from family and intimate partner to coworkers and strangers. Best of luck on your project!

    • 

      Thank you so much for taking the time to respond for my call for stories, it is VERY much appreciated.
      I am in the process of developing several key questions I would like everyone to answer, after which you will have to chance to tell any other part of your story as you wish. If the article resonated with you, then I want… no NEED to hear from you. Too many people, especially women, live in emotionally abusive relationships while their sanity slowly falls away because they do not know they are the victims of manipulative and deliberate abuse.
      I want to write a book which, while fiction, will open up the conversation and the consideration for those who are emotionally abused.
      ALL correspondence will be confidential.
      Thank you so much for helping pursue this very important project of mine, I will be in touch within the next 7 days.
      Thank you again,
      Vanessa

  29. 

    Would you be interested in my male perspective as a victim or are you only looking for female victims?

    I had a very abusive upbringing and although I became a notorious “gangster” in Scotland I still went on to be abused by my employer and my wife thinking it was normal. I live a very positive life now but I am writing my own story so others might see that supposed “hardmen” are also victims of abuse and see how deep abuse runs.

    email jimfinnie1@live.co.uk

    I have lots of juicy material for you without feeling sorry for myself so you get it as it occurred and can make of it what you like.

    • 

      Yes, I am looking for the perspectives from ANY victim of emotional abuse bet it a male receiving it from his female partner, female receiving it from a male partner, same sex couple abuse or emotional abuse via friendships, parents to children, children to parents.
      Anything.
      I want a well rounded, all bases covered perspective.
      I am preparing several key questions I would like to have answered by everybody who has volunteered their story, after which you will have the option of sharing anything further.
      I really appreciate this a lot. I could not write this book without the help of people such as yourself. I need your help.
      Thank you.

  30. 

    After reading this post, I sent an email to my wife. (She went home to South Africa for the holidays while I stayed in China).
    Thank you for pushing me on. I needed this.

    It’s been a while since I read “One Thousand Single Days” and came across it again on face-book.
    One of her latest posts is “A call for you story”. She goes on to tell people that she’s writing 2 novels, one being about emotional abuse.
    This lead me to another blog which she recommended to her readers.

    http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/emotional_abuse.shtml

    I have indeed been taught tough love, or very little love at all.
    And after all these years, and finally meeting you, a person who loves unconditionally, I still find the concept hard to grasp. I may have people in my life that love me, but I still feel alone.
    It’s part of why I’m selfish and batter people aside before they can get close to me. It’s why I pushed you away so early in our relationship, it’s why I still do.
    I don’t mean to hurt people and I find it really difficult to hear that certain folk don’t appreciate it. Doesn’t mean I don’t understand it and this makes it so much worse for me.

    This is not to say that we all understand love and the meaning of life. We do things that we feel may not be the right thing at the time, but we hope for the best in the end. (you taught me this)
    I feel worthless, incapable and lost to the world because there is nothing for me to give. I beat myself up about it and there begins the downward spiral of self-hate and depression. Reading the post made me think about you and I and the way I’ve gone about my life and our relationship.

    I’m going to call in for a therapy session. I think it’s time that I faced my daemons and stuck up for you and our baby daughter. You both deserve the world and hopefully one day, I’ll have it in me to give you the moon and stars.

    I love you, all the leaves on the trees

    • 

      To the person who wrote this,
      I feel such a sense of compassion for you. I was expressing to friends that: People are fragile. We fail one another, we stumble, we are clumsy with the hearts of others and we didn’t get a manual to life, so we are all kind of winging it. This means we will get it right some of the time and wrong some of the time. To see an error in our own ways takes humility, courage and honesty.
      I believe this book I am working on is so important, not just to give the people who wear emotional abuse a voice, but to give the abusers a shot at redemption.
      I think you are brave, humble and ready for a new start. I wish you all the best and hope you know that this comment has moved me more than any other.
      Thank you

  31. 

    Reblogged this on Willow's Cabin and commented:
    For anyone out there interested in sharing their story of abuse . . .

  32. 

    I am currently in the process of writing my autobiography. I think it’s great that you are putting a focus on emotional abuse as I always found this kind of abuse is played down and doesn’t seem to rank as highly as physical/sexual abuse when it comes to how much damage it causes. But I can assure that it causes horrific damages and as a sufferer of it for over fifteen years it would be important for me to get involved with your journey. I see that you’ve read some of my blog, let me know what you think. Ros

  33. 

    Thanks for following my blog and publish it yourself it allows more freedom

  34. 

    OK,

    I have some stories for you. But, I will place them together …. As my head shakes and my eyes cross just trying to stay sane while thinking about what I went through.

    During the fall semester, I took a woman to an abuse shelter, I experienced an ‘out of body experience.’ OK, it was real, not out of the body.

    The following year, over 6 days, I had a mind shattering experience.

    I went out with a good friend, who had a melt down. She confessed her abusive husband (unknown to me) was looking for her. He was mostly emotional.

    I could tell you about her story for days.

    6 days before, a good friend of mine tried to take a women to an abuse shelter.

    He left the Bible Study with her. He got her to his car. And as he tried to figure out how to unlock his car; he never locked it because the driver side could not be opened with the key; her boyfriend parked behind them.

    He killed them. And then himself.

    And then there was my trip to the women’s shelter. My eyes cross again. As a man, that is one scary experience.

    OK. So, as I sat there and my friend melted down on me. I thought, “I am in the only dance club in town. He knows she is in town. And she knows he will come looking for her.

    My friend just died, and trying to save someone. I had already tried to help a woman, and I knew that until she really wanted help, it was futile.

    And I tried to be a friend ….. that was one difficult night.

    IMHO. Men should not treat women that way. Nor should women treat men that way.

    ghost.

  35. 

    Reblogged this on thewordpressghost and commented:
    Friends,

    Our fellow blogger is writing her first fiction novel. And she would like our help.

    How can we help you ask?

    She would like you to share your stories of emotional abuse and control. Either publicly, or anonymously by email.

    If you want more anonymity, you can share with me, just let me know. And I will email you for your story, and then I will pass it on to her.

    Godspeed,

    Ghost.

  36. 

    Now …. publishing tactics 101.

    You need a platform – and idea which will sell itself. And that is usually described in terms of people who read your blog ….

    But, your platform can also be marketed from the non-fiction world into the fictional.

    The way to do that is simple.

    You write a non-fiction about the problems and consequences of abusive relationships.

    Non-fiction is an easier genre to get published in than fiction is.

    Then you leverage your non-fiction experience. I.e., you are now a ‘known’ author.

    If you are a Christian, Christian literature is the only growth market in books.

    And if you can afford it, you should say ‘yes I can afford it,’ go to a writer’s conference with a writer’s proposal. Go to one with writer’s agents who are conducting ‘interviews.’ Get a couple of interviews scheduled.

    You can also ask a counselor, or other write to co-write with you in non-fiction.

    🙂

    ghost.

  37. 

    I’m sure you’re familiar with what psychologists call the “double bind”. In other words, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. This makes you believe you can’t do anything right.

    For example, they say ‘you should have done the shopping earlier; you didn’t need to wait for them: stop being so co-dependent.’ But if you do go earlier, they say ‘you should have waited, because you always get the wrong item, or forget something.’ Either way you can’t win.

    From a selling viewpoint, The WordPress Ghost is correct: you need a platform to market the book, more so if it’s going to be an ebook. With the more traditional publishing methods, you have to convince a publisher to publish your material.

    It isn’t enough to write a great book: you’ve got to tell the publisher why it would make money. I’m a non-fiction writer, so the process would be slightly different from a novel, even though it might be partly autobiographical. Autobiography is a good selling point, particularly in this area, if you wanted to let that be known – it gives you authority in the area. If you already have a good fan base on your blog, that’s another strong selling point.

  38. 

    ANother aspect that I think is often overlooked is the abuse we absorb to protect those around us, such as our children. While we feel we are protecting them we often over look that they still feel and suffer for us.

  39. 

    1000 days must seem like a long time, but judging from a quick scan of your post, you still have hope for a “dirty, crazy, hectic romantic love thing.” Good luck with that in 2015. Good luck with the art (writings) now as well as then. Art is good therapy for abuse; consider it self-inflicted positive reinforcement.
    However…What about the millions of little abuses too minor to be recalled as deeds but as feelings; millions of abuses adding to a functional equivalence of abuses remembered as events? How do you novelize those?
    Thanks for the (now second) like. Might I ask why?

  40. 

    I think it’s a great idea. So many people don’t recognise emotional abuse as being as bad as physical abuse. I was in this position myself. I blogged about it on http://livonne.com.au/2012/11/24/dont-just-wear-a-white-ribbon-start-the-conversation/ if you’d like to have a read..

  41. 

    Don’t know if you’re still accepting submissions, but I’ve got a story to tell about the verbal and emotional abuse I underwent as a teenager. I kinda telling it in bits and pieces in my blog. If you want the big picture I’ll be happy to answer any questions you might want to send my way. I’d rather not just write up an account – processing shit like that is part of the reason I’m writing a blog to begin with – but if you want to email me a set of questions I’ll try and help you out.

    • 

      Thank you very much, I am sending out specific questions to everyone this week, I will forward the same questions to you and you can answer as many as you feel comfortable in answering and add anything to the end that you want to. Thank you so much, every contribution will ensure I produce a more accurate character and victim personality in the story. I appreciate you being willing to share as much as you are comfortable with. 🙂

  42. 

    Are you still sending out questions, Vanessa?

  43. 

    It’s a heavy read but
    Breaking Hearts: The Two Sides Of Unrequited Love (Emotions and Social Behavior
    ISBN-10: 0898621526 | ISBN-13: 978-0898621525

    Might give some good technical insights…

  44. 

    I am happy to share with you my experience from 2 past relationships that were emotionally and psychologically abusive. I have not really talked about them on my blog (http://willingheartwoundedhealer@wordpress.com), but I can email you if you like. Thankfully much healing has taken place in my life and now I am able to use my experiences to help others. Feel free to contact me.

  45. 

    Reblogged this on emmagrace1996's Blog and commented:
    Call for your story…

  46. 

    Feel free to contact me. I have just gotten out of a relationship with a man who “swept” me off my feet, promised to love me, be different from all others etc and this past Christmas after a year of being together I found out I may have cancer again (I have had breast cancer twice, been through mastectomy/reconstruction etc) this cancer was likely ovarian AND uterine. I got the news on Xmas Eve on the way to family dinner, didn’t want to bring everyone down by sharing the news at that time, waited to go home, he came over, shared it with him, crying, broken and his words were “Your cancer is not my problem, that’s what your friends and family are for” and walked out. our relationship had been so rocky that I had bought and hid in my xmas tree a very expensive watch which I did not set, purposefully so that we could set it together and move FORWARD….yea….we arent together….

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  1. I do love Thich Nhat Hanh | Sweet the Sound - March 20, 2013

    […] about my divorce already had it on my mind, and then I read an article which was linked to in this blog.  I don’t feel it would be right to link to the article directly from here, because I […]

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