I can’t put a title to this

February 18, 2014 — 104 Comments

My dad has passed away quite suddenly and thrown the world into a shambles. Please bear with me as I take some time off to do the things daughters have to do when their fathers go away.

I’m still here, I’m just going to be a little quiet for a little time…

Thank you for sticking around,

104 responses to I can’t put a title to this


    I am so very sorry to learn of your loss. My father died in 2006. It was not sudden. He was 91 and had suffered from Alzheimer’s for years, so my good-bye was long, slow and painful. I know how hard it was under those circumstances, so I really can’t even imagine how much harder it must be to lose your father suddenly. I send you my deepest condolences and I am sending love and healing to you. I hope in some little tiny way knowing that so many of us care about what you are going through eases your pain. Please know that your father holds you in his embrace everywhere now – no matter where you are. He is with you, His love is with you.
    Peace and love,


    Sending you my sincerest condolences and love-xoxo


    My thoughts are with you – sending all my love.


    Sorry to hear that, please take care of yourself


    My condolences. Five weeks ago I was in the same position you unexpectedly find yourself in. Take what time you must. People understand.


    I lost my mom when 12. It’s never easy. You’re in my prayers.


    My deepest condolences, Vanessa. Please take care of yourself, and your boys. Sending you strength.


    Greatest sympathies and prayers flowing out to you and your family, sweetie. Do take care of yourselves.


    I’m very sorry to hear your sad news. Sending you cyber hugs x


    So sorry for your loss. May memories of him offer you comfort in these difficult days.


    I am send you my thoughts of courage and heart. May you, in your time of sadness find joy to celebrate his life.
    I lost my dad 18 yrs ago, when I was quite young. It has never changed, the grief is still palpable, but time and the memory of him have been my greatest healer.


    Hi Vanessa,

    I am terrible sorry to hear about your dad passing away, but also excited for where he may find himself now… I hope that you take all the time that you need to take care of yourself in this season, and that in time you could rejoice for the time that you got to spend with him, the good memories that where formed, and the fragments of his character that makes up your character… Be well and we all look forward to your posts but more importantly your well-being.

    Otto Rene Aleman


    I’m so sorry for your loss….we will be here waiting and praying for you…hugs


    Very sorry about your loss. May you find peace and may God rest him well.


    You’re a stranger across the sea, whom I only found because another blogger follows you — but still, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry 😦


    dearest darling. you are 4 days in as i write, which means you might not be reading comments yet. you probably still feel like you got punched, but maybe you’ve had a good meal. when you get here, know that there is life after Pop. and it will be good again. just different. but you have what it takes to make it, i know from your writing. sending good juju from my physical space to yours.


    I’m so sorry and I’m keeping you in my prayerS!!xx


    I know that you would rather not have cause to do what you are called to do as a daughter, but life ends. However, it seems to me that as you face his death and your loss you know that there is a great end to things. You will grieve, you will miss him, but you do so in the greater knowledge of a faith you hold dear which tells you that this is not really the end.


    Please, STAY here with us!


    I’ve been through the same thing…. so you just take all the time you need! Sending (((hugs))), positive energy and prayers…


    It took me all day to send you this reply and I don’t even know you or what to say. I simply felt an intense urge to come up with the right words and it seems there are no right words. I hope you find some comfort in knowing that so many people care about you throughout your loss and grief. So so sorry. 😦


    You are in my prayers.


    So sorry for your loss.


    Oh you lovely sweet daughter, my love and light I send to soften your aching heart. Much love as you heal, and only the love remains. xxoo


    i am so sorry for your loss…my condolences..


    Dear friend, I am so sorry for your sudden loss. Sending love and prayers to you and your family, from California, your pal (who also lost his father very suddenly 15 years ago this Saturday), Moskowitz


    I am so sorry for your loss.. I send my condolences to you and your family. Praying for you. ❀


    hi vanessa,
    how interesting that the first time I log in after a few months this is the first post I see. My dad passed away today as well. I can only imagine what you are feeling as so many things are left unsaid, so many memories cross your mind and so many tears rip you apart. My condolences, as I am feeling what you are feeling right now. I hope you find peace.


    God bless you honey as you go through this time of grief and recovering. I send my condolences as well to you and your family.


    HI Vanessa. I am one of your silent followers; qualified only in my mutual pain, I feel inclined to offer a few words: I can understand your immense suffering, though not be a victim of the same circumstance that has shattered your unique reality. I can’t relate to your exact situation (nor can anyone else: as perceptions and situations are absolutely unique to those who experience them [regardless of similarity]), and I’m not going to lie to you and say something commonplace or otherwise innocuous. In this state-of-mind, I know that I hunger for worth in discourse, and content in interactions. Most relation is done through misguided and shallow reiterations or regurgitation of the obvious… but I digress.

    I admire your struggle at this splintered junction of your life, because we can understand each other through the distinct and perceivable factors causing our parallel despair. Life will deal us pain regardless, and it is our test to endure (I suspect). I have failed my trial, and have attempted suicide… failing to kill myself as recently as Monday the 3rd, when I threatened a police officer with a weapon… I begged them to end my life… instead, I lost everything EXCEPT my life. My wife cheated on me while I was in the hospital. My landlord gave me an eviction notice after the police incident in our hallway. Everything has been jarred to a deteriorating list, slowly bleeding to death from multiple wounds.

    I can’t relate to your circumstances. But we are both experts on sudden, horrifying, life-changing pain. I promise that if you will still try, as I am, to live, and be alive, and be within yourself, and know who you are despite all the agony, things will be different, perhaps better in some ways, worse in others, but life is still there, waiting in the placid pond-water of our uncertain futures. We ache together, and that is the only qualification I have in understanding how your world has become ruptured. Peace be with you, traveler. You are ever in my thoughts. Find yourself with love.


    Hi Vanessa,

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It is so hard to lose a parent. I lost my Dad in 2003 and I still grieve for him.

    I hope your memories of him will bring you some measure of comfort.

    Hugs and prayers to you.



    I do not, cannot, and naturally shan’t pretend either to know one-other’s loss(es), nor offer thus, amiss comforts. Meanwhile, as you obviously all-too-well know, life does go…
    …for the rest of all regardless of these ever-compouded sufferings. I only looked in to see if perhaps you’d given any express deliberations to what has been most observantly said… ; )

    & then there’s been for some years of involuntary ‘ease’, this otherwise utterly neglected … perspicacity with-all?


    3) She is generally very good about taking care of herself, hearth+home.

    4) She is not a compulsive care-giver, but she does take care for others she’s closest to, and most intimate with, and those who care for her in kind also especially.

    5) She is outgoing and confident as she needs and desires,

    though she can be modest and shy at times and wisely reserved.

    (rather than overbearing with assertiveness nor unnecessarily deceitfully coy.)

    6) She lives creatively and imaginatively, even if she is not a practicing artist.

    She has an eye for the arts, and a deeply abiding interest+love of culture,

    & learning. She is very artistic in her ways, nevertheless.”

    Then again, what I know, is all-but-exactingly, not a thing of genuinely resolute, endurance of “love” as you say, in whatever [nondescript] form, in this, ‘our’ world. Thus, I bid you no less than better than I … ‘have to hold’–& you shall have but little then to so fortuitously report, I’ve precious, precocious small doubt,

    dear lady.

    When we know how full of illusion the worldly are, we may at last see our own vision as something utterly, properly, unassailable indeed.

    ~yOurs for sooth.


    Sorry to hear your loss.. take care and get back stronger! XO!


    The loss of a loved one at any time is very hard to bear. Sudden loss of a loved one can be a lot harder to understand and perhaps in some ways also more difficult to come to terms with. This has happened to me twice and whilst I will not pretend to understand what you are going through I can certainly empathise. It will take time but know that there are many people who care and are thinking of you.


    I do believe the lady did say she had “daddy issues”, which is to say she didn’t have so much as a ‘father figure’ as opposed to ‘all that’ to be ‘figured out’ = which is to say, family secrets are about as easily either transcribed publicly or even appreciated by all ‘courteous reply’. Any and all condolences are welcome, doubtless. Meanwhile, consider your own losses as seriously, at least, do please.


    if anyone should so much as ‘hintimate’ such a so-called ‘blogger’ is someone you can relate to so easily, then you’ve missed about 673 days of existential angst already, haven’t you?

    Please stand by …. and while your ‘up there’ might just as well take that dictionary down from upon disused high and look up ‘the word of the [day?]’, “empathy”.

    & when you’re done with taking all that in?
    Go catch up on “Downton Abbey” instead. X )

    ~sincerely, in-so-far-as no one actually asked to begin with.

    “Hell is a far-colder place than ever any “Abram” imagined!”
    Then again, ‘mid-life crises’ are about a dime a dozen, are they not?
    = Welcome to your own ‘human being’.


    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Losing your father is never easy and yes, daughters take a lot onto themselves. Please take care of you too in this time.


    So sorry to hear of your great loss. Take all the time you need. Will be watching my “reader” for your first post back, whenever that may be. Praying for you.


    My thoughts are with you and your family right now. Love and light to you.


    Just checking in to see how you’re doing. One of my favorite internet radio stations is the Coast 105.4 – I always give a thought to you when I play it,

    May a beautiful song be yours today, much kindness and care to you, Moskowitz


    I’m very sorry for your lost. I understand we need time to understand the lost of a parent. I will put you and your family in my prayers.


    You’re in my heart, Vanessa :/


    I’m truly sorry for your loss, thinking of you during this difficult time, sending lots of love and positive energy your way x


    Hey, was happy to see you stopped by and read, (well, I assume you read) : ) – my post. I know, just know, you are and will be supported and comforted and guided during this and all other tragedies, though they surely hurt and create “shambles.” My heart goes out to you, and I hope the things that are most important are being strengthened and you and your family are well.


    Please come back Vanessa, I miss you! 😦


    Just to let you know – you’re thought of and remembered. Mosk


    I’ve read some of your pieces. You are a beautiful soul. I’m sorry to hear about your father.


    sending my prayers and condolences

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