Do you have someone you just can’t quit? They’re like your bad habit that you keep picking up after you’ve sworn you were done?
Are they across town right now getting into their car to come over after you both said that last night was the last night? Or are they sitting beside you now as you have ‘that conversation’ again when you both know that tomorrow night he’ll be across town getting into his car to come over…
Don’t let your friends talk you out of it. Don’t let your brain talk your heart out of it, he may not ultimately be the ‘one’ but he may very well be what you need right now.
Let’s wind it right back for a second and I want you to picture two people, lost in the woods who have never met or even seen another person before. Total bare bones, back to basics human being kind of stuff. Blank slated, vulnerable and almost savage.
Now take those two separate people and put them in a relationship with one another. Id give them an hour before they turn on one another because they never learned how to love.
They have never grown up and grown into and then away from another human being before, they have never let someone down with their words or known betrayal or deep love that falls apart. They have never held someone’s hand or slapped that same hand away when it tried to wipe the tears that were falling from their cheeks after yet another argument. They haven’t examined themselves through the eyes of someone who has come into their life for a short time, they haven’t learned patience because they haven’t ever endured a relationship with someone that wasn’t always the best for them but that they stuck with because they knew that behind those stormy eyes was a beautiful perspective on the world.
In other words, people who haven’t made a thousand stupid mistakes and lived countless beautiful moments with another human being DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO LOVE.
One day you will meet your person. Everyone has a person. But when you finally meet them do you really want to turn on them because no one ever taught you how to love?
Be a little kinder to yourself, stop building walls up and putting rules in place before you’re done with someone because every person you meet has something to teach you and every person you meet has a mistake waiting for you to make with them so you can learn to be more human. Every savage argument we have with a person is one less savage argument we have to make with OUR person. Every failed attempt at a relationship teaches us something that will ultimately make the relationship with our person work. If we made every mistake that there was to make with our person then we would lose them because all the hurting that you could ever inflict on someone would be inflicted upon them and it would cause brokenness.
Be ok with learning. Tell your friends to chill, tell yourself to chill….you might just not be done with him yet.
And that’s ok.
If its bound to be over, then you will know when its over. And when that time comes you will find your shoes at the door and a path lit up before you so you will have the means and sense of direction to guide you in your walk as you walk away, and as you pack your bags you will pack all those lessons that that person just helped you to learn and you will walk away from them until you trip over your true person who will be walking away from their own map of mistakes and hits and misses. Or maybe that guy who is sitting across town warming up the car so he can come see you IS your person. Maybe you just need a bit more time to work it out, I don’t know…thats your story, not mine. But please just wait a damn second before you toss every curve ball back before holding it in your hand. We are so quick to disregard the pieces of a puzzle because we don’t see how they make up a picture that is so much bigger.
But please be kind to yourself and be alright with the bloopers that the film of your life is capturing because every decent story has those subtle pencil marks left over from when you made mistakes before you rewrote a better ending.
If you just cant quit them yet then maybe its ok.