Archives For Creation

Beetle and The Spider

December 11, 2014 — 32 Comments

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It was late and the bottle of wine was slowly emptying and the tongues of cigarette smoke licked my cheeks as they rose and assembled in haze above us. We said we hoped it would rain.
There are not many things that go together like lateness and wine and rain on a tin roof.
So when it rained we drank more wine and I told stories and said silly things.

And then there was Beetle.

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Its been so long since I really wrote anything and for a while it was because I felt too far away from my own mind to do so, and then when I came back to my mind I found so many thoughts collected there, and just like standing before a scattered deck of cards, I didn’t know where to begin sorting through it all so I just stood there and stared at it all for weeks.
All those thoughts…

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I decided I would walk back to my Hotel that day, even though I had spent all day and most of my money shopping and my shoulders were aching from the weight of the bags. Flagging down a tuk-tuk would made the trip quick and easy and with the unbearable heat rising up from the sidewalk and bouncing off the city walls and radiating down from above it is a wonder I chose to walk that day but at the time I decided that I would like to wander through the alley ways and stalls and nod my head in greeting to the people of Sukhumvit Road and thats all it was at the time. But it is only in retrospect that we see the significance of seemingly small decisions such as these. We don’t realise how our preferences, no matter how small, act as the fingers and the palms and the curves and the creases of hands to clay on a spinning potters wheel. Every single movement, no matter how slight changes the shape of the clay… just as every step favoured over the other, or every appointment made in favour of the previous day, or the day after can alter the shape of our life.

And so with choosing to drag those heavy bags upon my tired shoulders on weary legs through the streets of Bangkok that day I didn’t know that it would mean meeting him, and in meeting him, I didn’t know it would change something in me for the rest of my life.

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Me on our beautiful South Coast beach, Australia at sunset.

There is a scripture, which I think of sometimes. “He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.”

I consider what people suggest life is about. I consider too how even those with all the ingredients for happiness: A family, job security and a place to call home, can then be struck with depression or ill health and so I wonder how then can someone truly be at peace, and if they can, where would they find it?

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Things.

June 15, 2013 — 41 Comments

Things that can make me happy:
Orange juice
Watching someone try to whistle after getting a tooth filling
Knowing all the words to a song
Olive oil
The smell of the smoke after you blow out a match
The way my son doesn’t believe that I understand his jokes
The sing-song way the women talk in old movies
Spagetti
Fire
Films that change my life
Photographs of people doing something they always wanted to do
Live music
That cows have best friends

Things that can’t make me happy:
Things.

365

One year passes me by. And yes, I have remained true.
635 days to go….

Life can be cruel, but it is cruel and hard on everyone in different ways. If you grew up in a shitty environment with people who treated you with disdain and cruelty and down right neglect and abuse then this is horrible. Its understandable to be hurt and then battle with confusion and disfunction as a result through your childhood and teenage years but you know what? Come adulthood turn and face that thing head on.
There is nothing that no scumbag mum or dad or uncle or upbringing can do to truly defeat you unless at some point you give up, and if you give up because it was all too much, then maybe no one could even fault you for that, but if you use that scum bag of a father or scumbag of a mother or scumbag of an upbringing to then JUSTIFY treating another human being with neglect and abuse and generally being a scum bag yourself, then you have lost a leg to stand on.
Man up/woman up and learn about accountability.
The greatest men and women in our history have created that history with nothing more than the memories of tragedy/abuse/loss/stolen innocence and an understanding that at some point you have the choice to either stop the cycle, or to keep being a scumbag.
Dont be a scumbag.

‘Coincidence’ as the Jewish say ‘is not a Kosher word’ and as I sit here stretched out on this chair, 1052 kilometers from the last place I knew as home, looking out onto a crystal blue bay so close I could maybe, just maybe disturb its mirror surface with a pebble if my right arm summoned the strength, I can appreciate that the Jewish rabbi who first uttered the words which became that well known saying was not necessarily being as tongue in cheek as the modern text claims but rather he must have known something which I am just now beginning to grasp: There are no mistakes in life, there is only purpose and our purpose unfolds before us disguising itself in ‘accidents’ or ‘coincidences’ or ‘disappointments’, getting troubling news or ‘missing out’ on an opportunity. I can see now that purpose has to hide within these so called upsets as if it didn’t hide and we learned our story too soon, we would surrender to our human nature and want to manipulate the outcome and so since we were children, planning our future from even those first sentiments of ‘when I grow up I want to be a fireman!’ or in my case “when I grow up, I want to be a mermaid!’ Purpose has been sitting back idly, grinning and nodding wisely, tapping its pipe out on the heel of its shoe knowing that despite all our plans and all our preparations our true purpose would prevail, treading on the toes of our plans if need be, yes even disguising itself in accidents or let-downs if need be.

Anything to prevail.
Anything to unfold without our meddling.

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I am going to blatantly and unashamedly ask you to do something for me for no other reason than it would make me happy and that’s the gosh honest truth of it.

Since starting this blog I have had a lot of support from family and friends but one person who has really offered exceptional support and advice and has been a priceless friend since this all started is my dear friend Mikey. Now he recently began his own venture, establishing Studio HD which is described in their own words as “a web series on how (not) to run a successful music studio.”
They create these hilarious and genius “song in a week’ music videos based on the suggestions of their fans. As they are just starting out they are looking for support and publicity and as they used several of my own suggestions in their very first video and have shown relentless support for my writing I would like to give back to them by asking my own readers to take a look at their Facebook page and if you like what you see ‘Like the page’

I have never used my blog as a platform to promote any business or organisation and this will be the only exception to my rule on this but Mikey helped me through a particularly difficult time a few days ago and I really feel like this is a way I could say thank you.
Starting studio HD was a big deal for the guys behind it and I am 110% for following your dreams and doing something creative with your life and taking risks.
Please do me a favor and like THIS PAGE.
In return I will publish a little story.
Love you all,

Ness