Both my sons enjoy playing chess. Largely self taught, my young Rooks will challenge one another with the tool disguised as a game that has been used for generations to teach the strategies of war, the art of psychology and philosophy, the value of patience, forethought, mindfulness and principals that are true of life as much as they are true in Chess such as the fact it is just as important to win with grace as it is to lose with dignity, that strategy without patience is caustic, that we must remain flexible and that at the end of the day, the pawn and the king both return to the same box…
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I don’t know why I stopped writing in the first place…
And that ladies and gentlemen is what you call a lie. I do know why I stopped writing but with all things regrettable, lies come to our aid on horses that can gallop faster than those carrying the truth.
So the truth? Well I don’t want to say. Thats why I didn’t.
I don’t even want to now but lets just get it over with and i’ll tell you what happened.
My dad has passed away quite suddenly and thrown the world into a shambles. Please bear with me as I take some time off to do the things daughters have to do when their fathers go away.
I’m still here, I’m just going to be a little quiet for a little time…
Thank you for sticking around,
Where are we? Do the days ever matter anymore?
Have I lost count? Yes.
When? I don’t remember. Probably around the time that I realized that it wasn’t about the days anymore, it wasn’t about counting down as if day 1000 was the goal. That day 1000 may never come just as tomorrow may never come as just as planning for the future keeps us facing the future, you cant place the future on a pedestal as being the point. Because it isn’t the point.
Now is the point. Just now.
Little helmets arch toward
Keen to keep the moving forward
Bellies pressing, pressing more
Unto the restless splintered floor
A hundred, thousand, million strides
A million more, wont see us tired
Splinter, bruise and callous healed
Faithful, tiny battle shields
What am I?
Its been so long since I really wrote anything and for a while it was because I felt too far away from my own mind to do so, and then when I came back to my mind I found so many thoughts collected there, and just like standing before a scattered deck of cards, I didn’t know where to begin sorting through it all so I just stood there and stared at it all for weeks.
All those thoughts…
Things that can make me happy:
Watching someone try to whistle after getting a tooth filling
Knowing all the words to a song
The smell of the smoke after you blow out a match
The way my son doesn’t believe that I understand his jokes
The sing-song way the women talk in old movies
Films that change my life
Photographs of people doing something they always wanted to do
That cows have best friends
Things that can’t make me happy:
“Your blog has gone kinda quiet of late” He said. “I know” I said.
So here I am, with nothing much to say but with a sense that I should say it anyway.
I write this now from a plain. You know whenever you embark on something they all say to you ‘oh you will see the mountains and you will see the plains’ So this must be the plain. I wish there was a way to write a shrug of the shoulders. You know? When someone asks you how you are or how you’re doing and you don’t speak, you just shrug your shoulders? This post is a shoulder shrug. Its a blah. Its plain.
I credit this to one thing. Depression. Continue Reading…