Vanessa, I’m intrigued by your blog and its huge success. But I have to admit, to me it seems sorta artificial to abstain from relationships for a set period like three years. I’m curious. What would you do if you just happened to meet some amazing person who didn’t want to wait that long?
🙂 Thank you for the challenging question Michael.
When you read over the various stories in the blog you will see a very fragile and broken girl emerge from it all. Part of that brokenness and fragility is due to being unbearably heartbroken by men I trusted without question, part of it is to do with life just becoming a bit too much to bear. In any case the point of the 1000 days is to proactively use the time I have set aside to deal with the grief of the heartbreak, to deal with the fragility that came from criminal abuse and to deal with the brokenness that came from my struggles with mental health.
I am surrounded by amazing people Michael. I have the privilege to have the acquaintance of some amazing men who I love and respect and who provide incredible support in the friendships I have with them. However, I have had to realise that I am broken in ways that would make a relationship for me right now very difficult, and certainly difficult for the person sharing it with me.
I value, love and respect my future life partner enough (whether I have met him already or not) to know that I will need some time and a significant amount of it, before I would be able to be a stable and together enough woman to offer any kind of companionship to him.
I know this decision may not make sense to some people and the question of ‘what happens if you meet mr amazing before the 1000 days is up’ is often posed to me. In reply I can only say that this feels right to me. In all my life I can say with confidence that this feels like one of the first decisions I have made for myself which I believe I will be thankful for later on. If that sounds artificial to another person, then I have no words to defend myself other than to say that if a woman can endure the hurt, rejection, abuse, heartbreak and betrayal as I have in my 28 years and not be able to chose to take a meagre 1000 days out so she can build herself up again without being called artificial, then something is wrong with the world.
I honor and respect self introspection as a dissasociative technique. It has worked for me and I am labeled with a mental disabiliity. In my opinion, being “alone” has worked for me as well, and I so very much admire and respect where you are coming from.
Wow, Vanessa, I never knew this…when I read your account I realized just how similar we really are. Miles away, two different personalities,, different site layouts, but both very similar nonetheless.
I want to be the first to buy your book.
Hey! ^_^ You may see this a lot but I wanted to tell you that you’re incredibly inspirational and I’m very happy that you’ve tied so many lives together into this blog to share with us. You have a real gift for writing, it’s so fascinating and illuminating and so expressive that from reading just a few posts you’ve earned my respect. Thank you! :3
Inspiring! I read a book about something like this when I was newly divorced Mom at 43 years old. I am curious about your age as I now am facing another dissolution a decade later and finding it devastating. My 2 children are grown. Looking to my future, I decided to relocate and I will follow your effort. Thank you for the reminder that I am not the mistakes I have made.
Hello, I enjoy reading some of your blogs. So I am nominating you for Liebster Award. Please see the link below.
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