Things I know after 4 days of trying to get a banging body:
- Water does not taste like wine, even with ice in it.
- Running is unpleasant.
- Tuna on a dry cruskit does not taste like a cheeseburger.
Usually, a decision like this ‘Operation banging body’ comes the morning after you have spent a night crying into a bag of grain waves, over photos of Victoria Secrets models. In those moments, Lord help anyone who comes between you and your trainers and gym keys. You download clever fitness quotes that have been set against photos of sweating athletes and you nod your head in agreement with Kate Moss at her ‘Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’ statement. Amen sister, Amen. You put in a workout that day that leaves you gasping for breath and you shake your head at your neighbor whose face you can see lit up by the blue glow of another night of television. ‘See, thats why you’re fat, you lazy bastard’ because, after only one workout, and one breakfast that didn’t include cheese, you are now the new authority on fitness and discipline.
Oh but the next day.
You spent the previous night watching motivational videos, and circling photos of all the bikinis you plan on wearing on your banging body during the coming summer and you went to sleep on that pile of size 8 jeans you have pulled out of storage that you haven’t fit for nearly a year. You wake up with flashbacks of eating plain tuna from a can, situps and running on the spot, and the floor is littered with empty water bottles and fitness magazines. What HAPPENED here?
Gee, I sure was being silly. Banging body? Haha! What a crazy! What next hey Ness? Wow, I really must have lost my mind. Thank goodness I’m not a writer, and have a blog, and told a few thousand people that I was going to commit to a body challenge!
So i’m neck deep in it now aren’t I? Countless emails have been coming in from ladies, and a few men too ‘You have motivated me to begin my own Operation Banging body! I will be following your story to keep me on track’ and ‘Love your determination!’
So I guess I have to stick to it huh? So you know what I felt like doing instead of going to the gym this morning: Anything but go to the gym. You know what I did? I went to the gym. When I got on the bike, my legs started hurting before I had even started pedaling! I put a bit of Jack White on and my most upset and self pity face, closed my eyes, made peace with the understanding that the next hour was going to really, really hurt, and I went for it.
That was a few hours ago. When I got home, I ate oats for breakfast, and then spent another half hour on my floor doing sit-ups, press-ups, and other movements that I don’t know the names for. Not one moment of the whole ordeal didn’t hurt like hell, but on the morning after the night before, after the memory of those long haired, winged beauties in breathtaking lingerie have faded from your mind, and you miss your glass of wine so much you could cry and its been more than 72 hours since your last cheeseburger, and all you want is a cheeseburger it just comes down to you, and whether you want it enough to do the hard work, every single day, forever and ever after. Whether you do will be proven every single day you put your trainers on and do the workout, even if it is the last thing on earth you feel like doing.
I also realised this morning that I dont have the right to feel sorry for myself if I am out of shape, and cry into a bag of grainwaves while watching victoria secrets models walk around with beautiful bodies, wishing it was my head on those shoulders, because I am the one making the choice to be the way I am every single day. If I spend most of my day, on my ass doing stuff all and eating tim tams dipped in a hot chocolate, and then complain about all the jeans I can no longer fit, and how I can’t find anything in my wardrobe that makes me feel attractive, then I am an idiot.
If I am not willing to educate myself on nutrition and drink enough water, and care enough about my body to work out, then when I see someone walk past me with a beautiful body earned through hard work and self control, I need to keep my mouth shut. They deserve to look beatuiful. If I don’t have any self control and respect for my body, then I deserve s**t.
So thats how I feel on day 4. It hasn’t been easy, and it might not actually get any easier, but no one ever said it was gong to be easy, they just said it was going to be worth it. And I believe them.