Archives For July 2012

My tattoo

My Tattoo

Translation:

“She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs with no fear of the future”
Prov 21:35

Language: Hebrew

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Being alone for many people, sucks.  I get it, I get it, I get it.  But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel crappy or doesn’t honor the person you are is worse.


Whats worse?

My 15 minutes

July 15, 2012 — 91 Comments

The Journalist rang me an hour earlier than I was expecting. They were 15 minutes away and I was in my bathroom talking to him on my cell phone with one eye open because I had glued the other one shut with the glue from the fake eyelashes I was making a mess of.

15 minutes away

I was still in my pijamas. My hair was pulled back into a careless ponytail, and the only makeup on my face was the black mascara that had slipped down my cheeks the night before.

15 minutes away

The breakfast dishes were still on the bench. A half drunk coffee on the dining table…I couldn’t say for sure if the only jeans that actually still fit me were in the clean laundry pile, or the dirty laundry pile

15 minutes away

It was 15 minutes before the crew from Channel 7 would walk through my door and set up lights and cameras and microphones and sit me in a chair and put a camera in my face and film my every word and every facial expression and reaction for a national program and here I was with glue all through my hair, fake eyelashes stuck to my fingers and bloodshot eyes (from falling asleep in my living room at 1am the morning before, with my laptop in front of me writing to you dear people, or from the glue on my fingers transferring to my sight… who knows?)  But nevertheless, this was not the image of myself I had carried for several weeks prior to this interview, where I saw myself with manicured nails, leisurely perfecting my hair, strand by strand and meticulously painting my face with foundations and blushes and mascaras…

15 minutes away

I whipped my hair up into a high pony tail and secured it with hair pins and too much hair spray. I paint-balled makeup in the general direction of my face and it was going to have to be good enough because I heard the knock on the door.

They were here.

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How it feels

July 11, 2012 — 26 Comments

It has been one month and 4 days since I made the promise to myself to turn my back on love and be single for 1000 days…35 days in.

So how does it feel? Am I lonely? Do I miss being with someone and having someone close?

What does it feel like late at night when I’m used to reaching out and feeling someone next to me and knowing I’m not alone in the nightness, to now reach out and feel nothing more than the cold side of an empty bed?

I’ll tell you honestly.

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The risk

July 2, 2012 — 11 Comments

This is the risk you run in the few days following a major life changing decision: You will start to doubt yourself, and feel a little bit silly.

Have you ever had a moment of clarity in your life where you just understood all of a sudden that you had to do something? That you had to change something, or say something, or remove someone or stand for something and in that moment, you feel the adrenaline of realization pumping through your system, you are energized, you know you are making the right decision and in that moment, God help anyone that stands in your way!

But then the next day, as you wake up, you shake your head a little bit whilst thinking ‘I was being a bit over the top yesterday I think’ and you feel a little bit silly for getting so passionate and there you are. Back to reality.

You know what I hate about that? Everything.

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