Archives For August 2012

Anytime I get relationship withdrawals, I just sit down in front of 5 mins of ‘Divorce Court’ and them withdrawals go right on and disappear.



Lost and found Pt 2

August 27, 2012 — 56 Comments

Most dreams are forgotten somewhere in those few hours after we wake up, but then there are those dreams which you can still remember years later.

I have dreams that I dreamed as early as 5 years old which I can still remember, but the memory of a dream is different to the memory of something that really happened in your waking world. With the memory of a dream, there are parts that you remember with crystal clarity, and then other parts that are scattered and foggy.

Dream recall can often seem like watching a movie in which odd parts have been edited out, so you may find yourself in a field in one moment, and then all of a sudden you are in that house you used to live in when you were 10 years old and there is no bridge in your memory to connect  the field to that house. It chops and changes and sometimes makes no sense at all…

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Lost and found Pt 1

August 26, 2012 — 47 Comments

I cannot find the beginning to this story. Every time I think I have found it, I realise that there was something that preceded that moment, which preceded another moment, and the further back I go, the more history seems to light up, and as I sit here, I realise that if I were to truly tell this story and give it any real justice, I would have to write a book, and a book will come, but not today, so I will have to pick the part of the story which I love the most, and make that the beginning.

And so, the part of this story that I love the most, was the night he kissed me, and that, I suppose, really was the beginning of a story that would span over 10 years, and not end in happily ever after.

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7 days ago I was 71 kg and then I did some unusual things to my body like exercise and strength train and put green things into my mouth and this morning I stood on the scales again and the numbers had changed. They were not 71. They were 68.4.

I lost 2.6KG (5.7 lbs) in 7 days.

Now I want to do two things in this post. 1. I want to tell you what I spent the last 7 days doing which resulted in me being 2.6 kg’s less fat than I was last Monday and 2. I want to take some of the things I have learned in the 8 years I have been studying nutrition and health and weight loss as a hobby, put it into Vanessa language and then write it out in a way that other regular people like me can understand and hopefully learn a thing or two so you can have your own banging body. But before we carry on, can I just make something clear:

This post is for regular human beings.

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A very scary story Pt 2

August 21, 2012 — 14 Comments

You don’t want to reckon with a Dutch man. Well, you don’t really want to reckon with a Dutch person full stop. But one night, we not only reckoned with a Dutch man, but we brought him to his knees in quivering fear. And this is how we did it….

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A very scary story Pt 1

August 20, 2012 — 17 Comments

The story I am about to tell you cannot truly be understood, or visualized unless you can imagine the scene in which it is set. I have set this scene as well as I possibly can in my previous story: “After living in a hospital, we moved to paradise’

If you have not read that story, I suggest you do so first, so that when I begin explaining the strange and scary series of events that takes place in this story, you can see the scenery in your mind, and ‘remember’ it almost as well as I do.

The story I am about to share with you, as all my previous tales, is 100% true and unembellished. Our stories need no embellishment. They are strange enough and scary enough and curious enough as they occurred.

I call this: A very scary story.

Remember those long summers I told you of, where we ran free through mountains, and bush land and swam in oceans so deep and blue and warm under full summer sun?….well, there is something I left out.

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I was on Campus all day on Thursday. I had a few tutorials to attend to, and 3 hours in the laboratory where we learned, among other things, how to lay out a body and stick it in a body bag if one of our patients bites the dust. It had taken me 45 mins to find a park. I will never understand why people with Degrees and experience who know about things like building universities, will design a university where 10,000+ students will attend and then make parking for like, 100 cars. Did they not realise that nobody roller-blades anymore? That nearly 90% of Australians own a car? That you can’t park up trees, you can’t park up in the air, or in the University buildings themselves, and so it might be a good idea to set aside a plot of land bigger than my backyard to keep all these vehicles while the owners are inside the buildings trying to get an education?

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On December  30th 1994 we left behind the caravans and house buses and house boats and abandoned hospitals and general gypsie lifestyle and moved over the hills and far away to a place called Helena Bay

Helena Bay (Te Mimiha Bay)

Helena Bay, also known in the Maori translation as being Te Mimiha Bay, sits on the cusp of the Bay of Islands in New Zealand.

Our new home was purchased with the money we made when we sold The House (which you can imagine was substantial because as you remember Annie had sold it to us for only a few thousand clams as revenge on her bastard husband)
Our new home was the colour of lime milk; rather unsightly but better than the colour of hospital.
A hedge ran the full length of the property as did Pohutokawas. In the back yard: Fejoia tress, Paw Paw, Lemons, Mandarines, Apples.

Also in the backyard: a heavy red gate framed with more hedge led to a vast farm belonging to our neighbors which we adopted as our own land. A river ran through the property opening its large mouth into water holes where we would spend long summer days skinny dipping and lounging in the grass with fruit picked as we dashed bare foot past the fruit trees. We would drag pup tents to the waters edge and camp under the trees and make little fires on the shore of the large water holes and though we were young our parents let us go because we had permission to seek adventure.
Oh, and I must tell you about the wasps.

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The baby named Baby Pt 2

August 16, 2012 — 9 Comments

So where was I? Oh yes. We had just finished living at the quarry, and then we were moving.

Do you know anyone who has lived on a farm? Yes? How about someone who lived on a farm, but in a bus? Yes? Ok, well then do you know anybody who lived on a farm, in a bus, with circus performers? No? Well let me tell you the next part of this story so that you can finally say that you do in fact know someone who lived on a farm, in a bus, with circus performers.
I don’t know why we moved from the quarry I really don’t remember. I wonder who initiated the move?
My mother? Did she get tired of pulling her kids down from precarious cliff faces? Was the dust getting to her?
Or was it my father? Did he grow bored of living in that quarry? Was it too unoriginal? Did he want a more curious address?
Well for whatever the reason was, all I know is that the next chapter of our life was… interesting.

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The baby named Baby Pt 1

August 16, 2012 — 8 Comments

I thought I would tell you the very strange and curious story of the baby named Baby. Some of the things you are about to read will sound too strange to be true, but it is this story that will prove that sometimes truth can indeed be stranger than fiction, and I know that everything in this story is true, as the baby is me, and the story is mine.

I call this tale, “The baby named Baby.”

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Things I know after 4 days of trying to get a banging body:

  1. Water does not taste like wine, even with ice in it.
  2. Running is unpleasant.
  3. Tuna on a dry cruskit does not taste like a cheeseburger.

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I have 5 sisters, and people always used to say we look SO much alike.  I think its because we were all knees, ribs and elbows, and I suppose that if you look like one big elbow, or one giant, walking ribcage, it would be hard to tell you apart from another big elbow, or another walking ribcage, and so, as we are all knees, elbows and ribs… we do kind of look the same.  At 5”9, Aliyah and I are the shortest, where as Nelly and Teraza clear 6 foot with ease.

As I child, I was told we all resembled a praying mantis. And then, when Lord of the Rings came out, it was Elves, and since Avatar came out, we are ‘Avatars’. In other words, we are all unusually tall, and unnaturally skinny.

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Follow your dreams

August 10, 2012 — 31 Comments

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Tu me manques

Remember how in Day one I wrote of the little boyfriend I had when I was 6 years old. Remember how I wrote of the kissing we secretly did on his trampoline and how we would then go eat the doggy biscuits?
Well guess who just got in touch with me!
Ah, life is a funny little thing…

Life is a funny little thing


August 4, 2012 — 102 Comments

Its just gone 2am and I had no intention of writing this story right now, as I was in the middle of writing another story for you, you know, a funny one, a nice one, an easy read. But I am sitting here, torn. And I have to write about it, because its all I can think about.

Oh my goodness, tears already….

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